Yusef pins the blame on Zainab as his lies start to unravel in EastEnders

This week in Soapland there’s a DNA mix-up, some desperate last-minute knicker-stitching, some alcohol-free punch and an unexpected piece of plastic in a ready meal…

EastEnders

Yusef tries to slither out of yet another sticky situation

It’s all gone a bit Jeremy Kyle in Albert Square (no change there then). This week Yusef gives Christian the results of the DNA test, which are suspicious at best. Christian promptly reveals that Syed isn’t Yasmin’s father. Masood and Zainab confront Yusef about the results, sure that they’re faked. When Yusef tries to bluff his way out of it, Rose lands him in it and he realises he’s going to be found out, so tries to pin the blame on Zainab. Does the man ever stop scheming?

It’s open mouths all round when Amy is rushed to hospital

While babysitting Amy, Ben gets distracted by Jay and they ignore poor Amy. They’re later horrified to find her face down in the bath, possibly spelling the end of Ben’s babysitting career. A hungover, desperate Roxy finds out what’s happened and rushes to the hospital, where she finds social services waiting for her. They’re worried about Amy’s welfare, telling her that unless she lets Jack take Amy she could find herself in court…

Shirley‘s dubious catering and management skills have nearly run the cafe into the ground. And things only go from bad to worse when she leaves Heather in charge, who has an unusual take on marketing and profit: she offers all the cafe customers a free meal…

Lola, Ben and Abi convince Liam to stealing some booze from Kim’s Halloween party, and their boozy night looks set for drunken success until Kim finds them and tells them they stole the alcohol-free punch by mistake. Nice try, kids.

Yet more bad news for the perennially unlucky Tanya

Tanya goes to hospital and is devastated to find her friend Siobhan has died. She has a panic attack, realising that she could easily end up the same way…

Coronation Street

Gone but not forgotten: will Fiz take the rap for John’s crimes?

John’s death has thrown everything into the air for poor Fiz this week – the police have found the murder weapons John described, and her barrister argues in court that this makes her conviction unsafe – but will the judge agree?

Chesney refuses to organise John’s funeral until Owen steps in and tells him he needs to be there for Fiz – whatever she wants. But what she really wants is to give John a proper send-off, but will she be allowed to attend the funeral with Hope?

Make your mind up love: Cheryl makes a move on Chris

Cheryl is decidedly indecisive this week – she tells Chris she’s not sure what she wants, so he moves into Jason’s flat. But later, she admits she’s falling back in love with him. But will Chris come clean about the next phase of his treatment?

It’s frilly knickers at dawn at Underworld this week. When the girls complain that they haven’t been paid, Carla unceremoniously fires them. Then Frank swoops in to tempt them with jobs at his own factory.

She’s packed her pout for LA: it’s Carla

Luckily for an increasingly desperate Carla, Michelle returns to the street with Ciaran to break the news of their engagement. In two shakes of a lycra thong, Michelle takes control of the situation, packs Carla off for a recuperative trip to LA, then marches over to Frank’s factory to brand him a rapist and ask the workers to come back to Underworld. Frank is understandably furious when they follow Weatherfield’s Pied Piper of Gussets back to their old jobs.

It’s a tense moment as the knicker inspector swoops

But it’s not all good news – a quick glance through the factory’s books confirms Underworld is in a perilous financial state. Is the business doomed? And can Michelle save the day?…

And over in romance corner, Julie and Brian move into the butcher’s flat. Julie is desperate to start a family with Brian, but is there something he’s keeping from her? I’m guessing ‘yes’.

Emmerdale

The pretend couple prepare for IVF tomfoolery

There’s bad news for Debbie and Andy this week – Dr Armah tells them that Sarah’s donor has pulled out. Increasingly desperate, Debbie decides that they should have another baby as a ‘saviour sibling’ for Sarah.

They only problem is telling Alicia and Cameron that they have to pretend to be a couple to get IVF treatment. And worse: Debbie wants Andy to move in with her so they can convince the IVF people. Andy’s worried about what the villagers might say – but it looks like that will be the least of his worries…

Run Priya, run! Cain flirts as Moira seethes

Moira has all the self-control of a sailor on shore leave this week – one minute she’s telling Cain that she feels guilty and wants him to leave her alone, then the next minute she’s falling for his, um, charms again. Obviously stricken with guilt, she confides in Diane, who tells her to keep her mouth shut and make nice with Farmer John. Meanwhile, Cain tries to stir up trouble by flirting with Priya – and it seems to be doing the trick…

Charity does her best to poison the in-laws

Charity‘s new mission is to impress Jai‘s parents (including The Bill’s Trudie Godwin) who are set to arrive the very next day. Sadly, Charity’s culinary skills don’t even run to boiling water, so she cobbles together some ready meals for the big occasion. Problem solved! Well, until Jai’s mum finds some stray plastic in her meal. Tasty…

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