Corrie’s indecent proposal

Next week in Soapland, sparks fly between two old flames, a village villain gets a very undignified send-off, and a pair of cousins can’t hide their feelings for each other any longer…

Coronation Street

They say that blood is thicker than water, but Deirdre Barlow must be wishing she had somebody else’s family right now. Her daughter Tracy is apparently pregnant by a drug addict 15 years her junior (’cept we all know it’s another one of tricksy Tracy’s scams!). Meanwhile, husband Ken is getting cosy over cufflinks and late-night glasses of Shiraz with his ex-lover Wendy. And things are about to get an awful lot worse for poor Dee…

Aah… sleeping like a baby

It all kicks off when Ken goes back to Wendy’s for dinner after another one of those implausibly frequent governors’ meetings, and ends up falling asleep on her sofa. Back at home the next morning, a sheepish Ken protests his innocence – and when Deirdre refuses to believe him, he tricks her into meeting her old love rival in the Rovers.

The morning after the night before…

Wendy backs up Ken’s version of events, insisting that nothing untoward happened during his unscheduled sleepover, but Deirdre remains unconvinced. As a forlorn Ken drives Wendy home, he accepts her offer of a cuppa – but gets more than he bargained for when his old flame makes a pass. Will Weatherfield’s resident intellectual act first and think later? For Deirdre’s sake, I do hope not…

Wendy has an indecent proposal for Ken

Meanwhile, Tommy is still struggling to come to terms with Tina’s decision to rent out her womb to pay off his debts. As the day of the embryo transfer dawns, he gives his stunned girlfriend an ultimatum: pull out of the surrogacy, or their relationship is history.

Tina faces a tough decision…

What will Tina do – back down and keep her boyfriend, or go ahead with the life-changing procedure and pocket the cash? Erm, both actually…

Ryan practises his bedside manner

Elsewhere, in the wake of the shocking road accident that may have left her paralysed, Sophie makes her peace with Ryan, telling him she’s lied to the police to protect him. But he’s about to find out that her silence comes at a price…

Emmerdale

Hell hath no fury like a soap girlfriend scorned – and new mum Debbie is no exception. Furious to discover that love rat Cameron is planning to stay in the village to support Chas (currently languishing in the nick for Carl’s murder), Debbie does what any self-respecting Dingle would do: trashes his truck with a hammer, then sets fire to his belongings.

Debbie shows her fiery side

Concerned about his daughter’s erratic behaviour, Cain tells Charity he intends to make Cameron pay for what’s he’s done – the sort of declaration that traditionally leads to a six-month storyline involving lots of shots of Cain staring moodily into the middle distance with his collar up, as he hatches a complicated revenge plot involving barbed wire and a blowtorch. Bring it on!

Cain has some shocking news for Thomas

On Thursday, Carl’s nearest and dearest gather to pay their last respects to the womanising sleazebag, including his half-sister Scarlett and his two children Thomas and Anya, who return to the village for the sombre occasion. Jimmy struggles with the youngsters, not knowing what to say to them – but Cain’s not lost for words, telling Thomas that Chas killed Carl because he was about to rape her.

Carl makes his final journey through the village

As the hearse proceeds slowly through the village, the King clan do their best to maintain a stiff upper lip – but by the time the service begins, it’s clear that Thomas is struggling to hold it together.

Thomas stuns everyone with his outburst

When Jimmy embarks on his eulogy, Thomas is unable to contain his emotions any longer and decides to tell the stunned congregation a few home truths about his dad, before storming out of the church. A concerned Edna goes after him, but getting through to the troubled youngster proves harder than she thought.

Dan sets his sights on Lizzie

Elsewhere, Dan appears to have got over his break-up with Chas remarkably quickly, as he tries his luck with Lizzie. Will she reciprocate? Sorry, soap fans – my lips are sealed…

EastEnders

Lauren and Joey have been squirting pheromones at each other for weeks – and now the first cousins are set to give in to temptation. The drama unfolds when a depressed Lauren heads to R&R to drown her sorrows and instantly attracts some unwanted attention from a group of lads. It isn’t long before knight in shining armour Joey comes to the rescue and throws the troublemakers out of the club.

Joey helps Lauren out of a sticky situation

Later, as Joey walks a drunken Lauren home, she pours out her heart to him. Keen to help, Joey tells his cousin she needs to change her life if she’s that unhappy and even offers to move out if it will help her. 
As the pair lock eyes, sparks fly and Lauren moves in for a kiss. Talk about keeping it in the family…

The cousins break the ultimate taboo…

In other news, Danny continues to harass Syed, demanding the return of the cash he gave him… or else. When Christian gets wind of the threats, he confronts Danny at the gym and warns him to stay away from Syed, explaining that he will get his money as soon as they have it.

Christian tells Danny to back off

He tells Danny that Syed feels nothing for him after one meaningless kiss – and is left stunned as Danny reveals that it was a lot more than that (nudge-nudge, wink-wink). Unable to control his anger any longer, Christian punches the city slicker in the face, knocking him to the floor.  

Will Christian escape a GBH charge?

Before you can say, “you’d better put some ice on that”, Christian has been arrested for GBH and Danny is telling Syed he has until one o’clock to find the money he owes him, or else he will pursue the case against Christian. Will Syed be able to deliver on time – and, more importantly, will his marriage survive the strain?

Denise and Kim go bump in the night

Elsewhere, it’s Halloween night at the Queen Vic, and Denise and Kim have some very scary disguises…

Should legendary lothario Ken succumb to his indecent proposal? Let us know below.