Carla returns to Coronation Street – and puts everyone’s knickers in a twist

Next week in Soapland, a couple of Rovers return, a cuckolded husband turns detective, and a newborn’s life hangs in the balance…

Coronation Street

Shaky-handed superfox Carla and fellow alcoholic Peter make a surprise return to Weatherfield next week – just in time to disrupt Nick and Leanne’s best-laid wedding plans. Excellent!

Carla and Peter put the cat among the pigeons

The fun begins as Nick and Leanne’s loved ones gather to wave them off ahead of their holiday to Las Vegas, where they plan to tie the knot, taking little Simon with them. But when Peter and Carla suddenly pull up in a taxi, Simon announces that he isn’t going to America after all because he wants to spend time with his dad. Reluctant to leave Simon behind in case Peter tries to abscond with him, Leanne is forced to announce that both holiday and wedding are off.

Carla makes her presence felt at the knicker factory

Meanwhile, Carla’s less than thrilled to be back from LA – and when Peter declares he wants them to stay in England for good, she’s soon seeking comfort in the arms of Mr Cabernet Sauvignon. Her erratic behaviour continues as she gatecrashes a business meeting at the factory, making it plain she’s the boss. Worse is to come when she drives to school to collect Simon while under the influence – an ill-advised manoeuvre that sees a furious Leanne sharpening her claws.

Leanne and Carla fail to see eye to eye (again)

Elsewhere, love rat Karl has finally got fed up of watching daytime TV at Sunita’s and decides to try his luck with Stella again. When the bouquet of flowers he buys her is promptly hurled back in his face, an undeterred Karl tells Stella he knows she still has feelings for him. Remarkably, his barefaced cheek pays off and Stella agrees to meet him for dinner.

Are flowers the best way to a woman’s heart?

As Stella enjoys a pre-date glass of wine in the Rovers’ back room to steady her nerves, Jason compliments her on her raunchy red outfit. Stella admits she’s on her way to meet Karl and opens up to Jason about being lonely – whereupon the ballsy builder suddenly silences her with a kiss. And there’s more where that came from… much more!

Or is a tight white T-shirt more to madam’s liking?

EastEnders

The mystery surrounding the identity of Kat’s secret lover trundles wearily on, as EastEnders scriptwriters continue to flog a horse that’s not only dead, but now has maggots crawling out of its eyes. Guys, please… enough!

Alfie frets over Kat’s infidelity

Next week, a cuckolded Alfie grows ever more paranoid as he fears that Kat – no doubt clad in some highly flammable lingerie – is still enjoying furtive liaisons with her mystery fella. Even the honour of switching on the Christmas lights in the Square fails to lift his spirits, and his mood plummets further still when he finds that Kat’s mum’s pawned ring is now back among his wife’s belongings at The Vic.

Will the Christmas lights bring festive cheer to Alfie?

Well aware that Kat wouldn’t have had enough cash to buy the ring back from the pawn shop herself, Alfie turns detective. After establishing that Jean and Charlie didn’t lend her the money, Alfie tries a different tack and confronts the manager of the pawn shop.

The pawn shop manager is staying schtum

Unfortunately, the owner refuses to divulge any information about his customers, leaving Alfie none the wiser and the rest of us counting the seconds till MasterChef: The Professionals.

In other news, Bianca faces a new challenge at the salon as Mr Lister, the man who got her banged up, walks in for a short, back and sides. Despite their differences, the market inspector agrees to let Bianca loose on his barnet – but, just as it looks as if the warring pair are about to let bygones be bygones, Mr Lister makes an accusation that threatens to send Bianca’s new career down the Swanee.

Bianca gets up close and personal with Mr Lister

Elsewhere, Phil’s head is even redder and sweatier than usual, as he watches Lola give evidence in the Family Court in the battle for Lexi. And, as Lola struggles to answer the questions, it seems he has every right to be nervous..

Phil’s a bag of nerves as Lola gives evidence in court

Emmerdale

Poor Paddy’s not had an easy time of it lately. First, he was banned from working as a vet after walloping a policeman. Then Brett – the hottie locum brought in to replace him – made a move on wife Rhona.

Paddy Potato Head braces himself for the new arrival

Next week, things only get worse when Rhona announces she’s bringing in old friend Vanessa as Brett’s replacement. Aware of Vanessa’s, ahem, colourful past, Paddy dreads her arrival – and it looks as if his worst nightmare is about to come true when Vanessa rocks up and the two women immediately start planning a night out.

Rhona and Vanessa have a lot of catching up to do

Worse is to come when Vanessa starts making cow eyes at surly dullard Andy Sugden – a man who, inexplicably, makes every woman within a 25-mile radius go weak at the knees – and Paddy starts to fear his house guest will soon be hosting sleepovers. Can Paddy and Vanessa reach an entente cordiale, or is World War III about to break out in Emmerdale?

Sam and Jai await news of Rachel’s condition

In other news, Rachel goes into premature labour after clashing with Charity during the church nativity play. Panicked to think his baby’s life might be in danger, Jai offers to take Sam to the maternity unit, where he struggles to hide his growing anguish.

The life of Rachel’s newborn baby hangs in the balance

Meanwhile, Rachel gives birth to a baby boy, then watches in horror as a midwife attempts to resuscitate the lifeless infant. Here’s hoping the little ’un pulls through…

Vet Paddy has some very bad news for Edna

In other news, Edna is horrified to learn her much-loved pooch Tootsie has cancer of the spleen. With no insurance and no money to pay for treatment, she fears her pet’s days are numbered. Don’t worry, Edna, love, I’ll gladly organise a whip round…

What do you think of this week’s storylines? Let us know below.